FLYPAPER FOR FREAKS (added 24.01.10)

A friend of mine once said to me; “Lou, you are a flypaper for freaks!”  This comment has stuck with me for several years, not because it may seem cruel or unfair, but because it may the most accurate description of me yet.

People who don’t know me very well would be right in assuming that I make things up and embellish the truth many times over.  Those who know me, understand that I attract the ridiculous and the stories I tell sadly are all true, occur often, and simply all add to the person they know and love as me.

I would like to think people come to me for the approachable demeanour I surely have, but sadly I fear it’s a certain crazy vibe that obviously permeates from deep within me.

I think when you do as many weird things as I do, you are bound to meet and attract weird people into your life.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that all weird people are freaks, but I have certainly met more than my fair share of bizarre individuals.

 I once fell asleep on the bus on my way home from work, and got such a fright when I woke up two minutes before my stop, i jolted and threw my phone down the aisle, this of course all happened the precise moment the bus stopped (at my stop!) causing my phone to shoot under the seats to the front of the bus somewhere.

Being a full bus I was trying my hardest to scramble under the seats trying to find my phone, all the while being mindful of just how far I had now travelled past my stop. I should at this point mention wearing a skirt and crawling around on the bus floor , well that is never going to end well. 

It was hard to tell if the young guy watching me was trying to look up my skirt or just perplexed that someone can be such a fool, so when he kindly offered to get my number and ring my phone I of course obliged, eager to find my phone before ending up in the bus depot. 

He calls my number, by this stage the entire bus had become part of my adventure, and a woman at the front of the bus yells excitedly “I have it, I have it”.  I run to the front, grab my phone, thank the entire bus load of eager helpers, especially my little phone a friend, and jump off the bus about twenty stops away from my house.

Relieved I had found my phone, it starts ringing and well you have probably guessed, it is the guy from the bus, who proceeds to call me over the next few weeks, until as grateful as I was for his help, I begged him to stop calling me.

There are so many similar stories that all make up the tale of my life so far, so many stories in fact, that just picking a few is a difficult task, and listing them all would take an eternity.

I am that girl who sits at the beach one minute minding my own business and the next finding a random stranger who sits next to me and almost on top of me and wants a chat.  The chameleon who travels and confuses everyone she meets as they think she is one of them, as she looks like them, yet can’t understand a word of their language.

I am that girl, who for every story I tell, a friend smiles that knowing smile and says “only you Lou”.  The girl who tries to help a foreigner on the bus, only to have them yell and throw something at her.  Who falls over snow skiing and literally ends up on top of a guy sliding down the hill with him, in an unplanned intimate embrace.  The girl who stumbles, the girl who falls, but always the girl who keeps coming back for more.

I am a flypaper for freaks, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

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  1. love it….wouldnt have it any other way.

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